Always trying
Always trying to defy, to explain, to justify,
Scratch an itch I never had, hence relief shall not arrive.
Live through shadows of a dream, one I never really had,
Clipping own helpless wings, let’s not call it good or bad.
Running fast, but what’s the point? Can’t escape where you belong.
Pushing boundaries, testing borders, what I fear, I prolong.
Uninvited interaction, opened doors to empty fields,
They determine my reactions, justifying mental shields.
Walk along a narrow path, praying to forgotten wrath.
Making sense of convoluted math of others’ pitied faith.
I don’t stand for death and horror, even for a licit cause.
I don’t like what I have witnessed, I excuse the love, of course.
Pain and pleasure, bold or scary, yes, the opposites attract.
Yet repulsed and empty chaos isn’t how to react.
Yes, I’m damaged, and repair, while envisioned, often slips.
Tolerating my survival brings the pain of endless whips.
I’m not quitting, never settle, don’t accept the ruthless truth.
I have switched to endless struggle from some vodka and vermouth.
