Still

There was a time when I was weak, there was a time I made mistakes,

There was a time I didn’t speak. I avoided higher stakes.

Was a dreamer, seemed concealed,

Not a neemer. I appealed

To my family a little, rather brittle and unsettled.

Waiting just to be controlled, I enjoyed that very role.

I enjoyed just being hidden, from the world I always ran.

Never understood the others, if I was, I was my mother’s

Precious gift and constant joy, I loved being mama’s boy.

Then some time went on as should be, things transpired, I was there.

Spent my life in constant judgement, ‘what it should be’, ‘what is fair’.

All my hopes to full fruition, up and down, how I know.

Pain is also an addiction and no limit to how low

I can sink. Or how high I already got to ride.

Temporary is the bliss, same for sorrow. Hit and miss

Are a part of every story. Maybe happiness and glory.

Even gory brutal parts hit the center, like some darts.

So unplanned and detrimental, causing damage to my mental.

Causing smiles, causing tears, pleasant memories and fears,

Causing loss of ‘could have been’, bringing wisdom from within.

Years past, and I don’t matter past my purpose and this letter.

I reflect and never stop, life’s a constant Photoshop.

Fix a little, still the same. Thought transmittal still the game.

Feeling busy and involved, but reality remains.

Dreams forever unresolved, I’m persistently in chains.

Back to feeling simply weak, but I’m grown, it’s OK.

Still producing my mistakes, but no longer run away.

To this day, I’m simply prey, living like it’s yesterday.

Still, I dream and make it happen, maybe only in my head.

Got my life, don’t want another, I will live till I am dead.

I will suffer and will love, I will smile from above.

Because moment’s temporary, so I always live beyond.

I will hold my commentary, will let go, not respond.

I will live my life as should be, love and fear still abound.

I can see in all directions, so I never turn around.

I will close my eyes in peace, tear runs along my cheek.

But I’m happy and content, so hold off on your critique.

I’m a winner, I’m a lion, I am also lost in space.

Always saving Private Ryan, and I scream through lower case.

Hear me feeling, feel me roar, let me be the one to choose.

I will lead us all to place filled with love and some abuse.

I’m a tool, I have no bearing, I’m a fool and overbearing.

Stay away and mind your cues, I can hurt, when running lose.

Still, I beg to be controlled, but my standards got too high.

Killing time, like burning coal, I can crawl, and walk, and fly.  

Show me real, show me new, help me find what I seek,

Generating every bit through my mind and my physique.