Forbidden fruit of past

It’s a forbidden fruit of past, your past, my past, it’s all the same.


Not fear, gluttony or lust, rewinding from ‘wish’ to ‘must’,


Our memory, not hearts are vast, engulfed in fire, smoke and dust


Of inhibitions and missteps.


Redone is simply not a way to our redemption in the haze


Of pain and fear and remorse and failed antics of our ways.


I crave your love, the rest will come. I want you always by my side. And me by yours.


What’s done is done. We should move on, not just abide


By empty rules created to avoid a loss.


Created only to explain the way I’m not, but likely was.


I feel your touch, but in my head. You are invited to my dreams,


Just not to visit, but to live. I think of you when lights are dimmed.


I rush to wallow in my thoughts, as they are mainly filled by you.


And when you think that it’s a lot, just know, what I say is true.


I spent too long living a lie, pretending I don’t need your warmth.


I didn’t die, yes, I survived, but just survival isn’t worth the efforts to wake up and shine,


The steps I take to move along.


I beat my drum, whatever is, I scratch that itch, it matters not.


I crawl, not fly. I munch, not eat. I smile, yet my eyes are cold.


I miss tomorrow, thinking of. I end up doing what I’m told.


I disregard what brings me joy, unnecessary minor things.


But that is how I learned to live, marionette on clumsy strings.


I ask a lot. I know I do. But I have even more to give.


I hope you give me what I want. To be, to smile, and to live.