Allow me

I’m feeling lost. Within my thoughts.

I’m lost in thought. Not in myself.

But lost won’t offer a reprieve from pirouettes through days confused.

The truth, it lies in others’ acts, influenced FOR, but not BY me.

I skipped the Bible, skipped the goals of others for their own peace.

I dance through days. I fall and hurt.

Then I get up and start again. I try to prove, that just as few, I will succeed despite the pain.

I dress my dreams in fancy clothes.

Sand castles rule in my domain. Cause nothing’s permanent in life. Not even myth, that’s life itself.

I often was convinced and taught. I seldom even understood why it was needed.

Other than to make those strangers feel at peace.

Yet, were they strangers? Not to me.

But life itself won’t elevate a wrong resource or wrong resolve.

I build my own system meant to make me happy and attached.

And just as dart I’m flying to the very center of a board, still hoping to define bull’s eye.

Defy what I am told to think, to do, to feel, to choose.

I choose the love in life for me. I need it more, than some, who’d rather just react.

I’m building life itself. Anew. A little bit with every move. And every thought and dream and ache.

I will reflect on much, not all. I need the bricks to make my home, perhaps reality be damned.

And nothing hurts, but much annoys. I grab my memories, as toys of every game I ever chose.

Don’t blame, don’t point, don’t be sad. Unless you’re talking to yourself. And then embrace.

Your own goals, or absence of a smooth voyage. You made it rough. Don’t ask me why.

I’ll go further and suggest, don’t even try to understand, why every time you do a deed, it always hurts.

You hurt yourself.

I’m never better.

The only difference between what you imagine, and I do is where I’m coming from.

Not peace, nor war, nor in-between. Just me.

Allow it to exist.